How My Addiction Began

girl, hair, blowing

What i BELIEVE started my addiction, and i didn’t even know it!

  • Twilight Movies

Believe it or not, Twilight started this whole freaking thing! When I was 8 years old, I LOVED the Twilight movies! It was all I ever watched. I pretty much had the whole first movie memorized by heart…I know, lame right? I would watch it at home, at my grandmas, and anywhere else I could. My parents didn’t think anything of it, they probably just thought I was odd 🙂 This continued for several months, until one Sunday, when my grandma was tired of me watching the movie instead of being with the family. She told me I wasn’t allowed to watch movies anymore at her house, and that I needed to be with the family more. It was soon after that, my mom got sick of it as well, and took the movie from me all together. She told me that I was done watching it for a long time. I didn’t really think much of it and was only a little bummed.

I had no idea that the whole time I was watching those movies, they were triggering chemicals in my brain. I enjoyed watching them because of the passionate scenes, I liked how they made me feel. They gave me a small little buzz. And by the time I actually looked at porn itself, I was hooked immediately because of what I had already seen and felt.

8 Years old, going on 9

  • When I actually came across Pornography

I was 9 when I actually came across pornography. I was driving with my mom to Costco, just hanging out and loving life. It had been a while since the last time I had watched Twilight, and I honestly had forgotten about it. When we pulled up into the parking lot, my mom turned off the car and told me that she needed to talk to me. My first thought was, oh crap what did I do? She started talking to me about the birds and the bees, and I was really grossed out and just wanted her to stop talking so we could go into the store. After she was done explaining, she asked me if I had any questions and I quickly said no and we went on with our shopping. Again, just like before, I had no idea that that talk had retriggered those same chemicals in my brain as the movies had.

Several weeks latter, I was doing my school at home, trying to finish my science class, when a link to a science video popped up. Normally I would have to go downstairs and have my mom come and type in her password, because we had heavy blocks on out computers, so that I could watch the video. But for some reason I decided to just click the link and see what happened, and to my surprise the link took me straight to YouTube. There were no blocks or anything. Instead of telling my mom what had just happened I decided to just watch the video and then finish my school, but something made me pause.

I remembered the talk I had had with my mom just weeks before. I thought about what she said and I became curious. I soon made up my mind to just check out what she was talking about, then go back to my science video and finish school. I typed in the search bar, and the second those videos popped up, everything the Twilight movies had stirred and triggered came back to the surface ten fold! I clicked on a video, that small buzz filled my body once again, and from that point on I was hooked.

My advise…..

  • Teens: Be careful what you watch. You might not know how it will affect you until it’s to late.
  • Parents: Be careful what you let your kids watch. Even if you don’t notice a negative affect on you, it might have a negative affect on your kids.

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